The Villains camping trip
by Deakus Duo
Summary: Camping in the wilderness is one thing. Camping in the wilderness with a list of super villains including Vegeta and Cell is definitely another. However, its not just the Villains and humans on this camping trip that pose a threat... R
1. Chapter 1

Hello there fanfiction hungry viewer we are the Deakas Duo. Who is the Deakas Duo you say? Well were just a couple of ordinary Australian Year 11 High School Students (hence our Australian spelling). We teamed up a while ago to combine our creativity and our sense of humour. The result was a string of parodies based on our favourite shows and movies and even our own personal lives (though that parody will never see the light of day).

The villains camping trip is exactly what the name suggest. Famous T.V., anime, and movie villains. And villains such as this make any situation abnormal despite the circumstances. Will the villains be able to find it within themselves to suppress the evil that is within them and will the good human characters be able to survive the villains antics let alone keep them under control?... almost certainly not but lets just say "Lets hope so" or "Only time will tell" for formalities sake ok?

This intro written by Lucas

Most of the parody written by Dean

_All the characters are on a mini-bus heading for the national park._

**Mitchell:** Oh boy this camping trip is going to be so great! We can have campfires, sing songs, go on nature walks, pat animals-

**Vegeta:** Shut Up! Your gayness is overwhelming!

**Mitchell:** I am not gay! I'm excited! Excited that in a couple of hours we will be frolicking amongst some of natures most fascinating-

( Vegeta punches Mitchell out the side of the bus)

**Howard:** Aw geez! No we have to pull over again. We'll never get there at this rate. (He stops the bus) Hey Terminator, go and get Mitchell for me.

**Terminator:** Mission confirmed: Return homosexual to the bus ( He clomps off down the road)

**Barry:** Why do people always think Mitchell is gay?

**Howard:** No idea.

( Five minutes later, the Terminator returns with Mitchell, who is unconscious and bleeding from the head)

**Donny:** Should we get him to a hospital?

**Howard:** Nah, he'll be ok. We have to get there before sundown

( 30 mins later)

**Joker:** Are we there yet?

**Howard:** No.

**Joker:** Are we there yet?

**Howard:** No.

**Joker:** Are we there yet?

**Howard:** No.

**Joker:** Are we there yet?

**Cell:** STOP ASKING THE SAME QUESTION!

**Joker:**...When will we get there?

**Smith:** ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! (Punches the Joker out the side of the bus)

**Howard:** Oh Jeez (pulls over again) Hey Terminator, go get Joker

**Terminator:** Mission confirmed (He clomps off and returns a few minutes later with the Joker)

**Joker:** (sadly) why am I the only one without super powers?

(20 minutes later)

**Donny: (** strained voice) Can we pull over? I got the mother of all shits building up here.

**Howard:** Sure, there's a service station up ahead.

**Vegeta:** More stopping?!

**Donny:** Do YOU want to clean up my crap?

**Vegeta:** Of course not! What sort of stupid question is that?

(Joker puts his hand up and starts bouncing around in his seat)

**Howard:** (sighs) what is it Joker?

**Joker:** When we stop, can we buy some food and drink?

**Howard:** Yeah, sure. You don't have to ask for that sort of stuff

**Cell:** What sort of super villain are you exactly?

**Joker:** What do you mean?

**Cell:** Well you ASKED an INFERIOR BEING if you could BUY food and drink.

**Vader:** Yeah, he's right. It's here in Chapter 4 of the Official Super Villains Handbook. Quote: Said super villain must behave in a cold, discourteous and violent manner to all inferior life forms unless special circumstances exist. End quote

**Cell:** Must you keep quoting that book?

**Vader:** What have you got against the book? (Points threateningly)

**Cell:** You keep quoting it for every little thing!

**Vader:** And how many planets have YOU blown up smart-guy?

**Cell:** One, same as you have

**Vader:** That little blue guy's planet doesn't count

**Cell:** Why not?

**Vader:** Because you could walk around it in five minutes

**Cell:** It's still a planet

**Vader:** It doesn't count!

**Cell:** Yes, it does!

**Vader:** No it doesn't!

**Cell:** Yes, it does!

**Vader:** No it doesn't!

**Cell:** YES IT DOES!

**Vader:** NO IT DOESN'T!

**Vegata (**smugly) Who wants to know how many planets I'VE blown up?

**Cell and Vader:** SHUT UP VEGETA!

**Vegeta:** Fine then! (Starts pouting)

**Howard:** We're here! (Pulls into the service station)

**Donny:** About damn time! (Sprints into the bathroom)

(The two humans and the villains walk into the service station to buy some snacks)

**Cashier:** Hi. Can I help you guys?

(Smith notices the cashier's name tag says THOMAS ANDERSON)

**Smith:** (drawling) Mr. Anderson, we meet again

**Cashier:** Uh, do I know you

**Smith:** Oh yes you do, Mr. Anderson. But you won't for much longer

(Smith jumps over the counter and starts beating the cashier up)

**Cashier:** (screams in pain)

**Vader:** (levitating food and drinks over to himself) Heh, the Force is great for shoplifting.

Meanwhile, Cell and Vegeta are trying to decide what to eat)

**Cell: (**playing with a box of oatmeal) What is this _Oatmeal?_

**Vegeta:** A meal of oats, what do you think?

**Cell:** But is it a meal OF oats FOR us or is it food FOR OATS!?

**Vegeta:** ………… I have no idea.

Back at the counter. Howard walks over with a basket full of food and drink. Joker walks up behind him)

**Joker:** Awww what's the hold up? My ice cream is melting.

**Howard:** (sighs) Smith, that isn't Neo, that's just a-

**Smith:** (holding the unconscious cashier who has been thoroughly beaten up) What do you mean this isn't Mr. Anderson, his name tag said so. Unless…… (He sees a woman in another part of the store wearing a long black trench coat) AHA! Thought you could trick me by cross dressing eh, Mr. Anderson?

(Smith charges across the store and crash tackles the unsuspecting woman through the wall. Loud screams of pain are heard)

**Joker:** ( In a babyish voice)Awwwwww Smith beat up the only cashier, Now we can't buy anything. It's no fair, they always ruin everything. Stupid super villains

**Howrad:** (sighs) I knew I should have picked Lex Luthor

(A loud screeching sound is heard. Vader is pulling one of the ice cream fridges towards him using the Force.)

**Vader:** Hehehe. And everyone else walks over to the cooler like a sucker. I can bring the cooler to me!

**Cell:** (walks over) you know, I consider that a waste of effort. There are other far more productive things you could do with your time and abilities.

**Vader:** Like what?

**Cell:** Killing humans, for instance.

**Vader:** That? That's easy. (Vader uses the Force to throw the fridge at an unsuspecting boy)

**Boy:** What the- (Flattened and killed by flying ice cream fridge)

(Meanwhile in another part of the store, the Terminator is putting all the sunglasses into a basket)

**Barry:** Terminator, what are you going to do with two dozen pairs of sunglasses?

**Terminator:** Wear them.

**Barry:** Yeah, I guessed that but why do you need so many?

**Terminator:** They are backup glasses

**Barry:** So what are you planning to do that will break 20 odd pairs of sunglasses.

**Terminator:** Protocols require sunglasses to be worn to make me look cool while I blow up police cars.

**Barry:** But there aren't any police cars around here to blow up!

**Terminator:** (Dramatically) There will be.

**Barry:** (sighs, shakes his head and walks away)

**Donny:** Do you think we should buy Mitchell something?

**Howard:** No, I think with Vader trying to hoard everything in the store, I think there will be something there for him. (He turns around. Yelling) OK GUYS! FIVE MINUTES AND THEN WE ARE LEAVING!

(A young, very attractive female cashier comes out of a back room.)

**Female Cashier:** Hi guys. Sorry about the wait. Can I help you?

**Howard:** (glazing over) Oh…uh yeah. I just wanted to, uh, get these.( He awkwardly puts the basket on the counter, but he fumbles with it and spills all his things) Oh damn it….

**Female Cashier:** (giggles and blushes) you want a hand?

**Howard:** (blushing) No, I got it

**Joker:** (drooling) Such beauty, such perfection, such-

**Vader: **HEADS! (An ice-cream cooler comes shooting across the store and slams into Joker's head, knocking him out. At the same time Donny returns from the bathroom)

**Cell: **I heard someone say perfection. Who's talking to me?

**Vegeta:** Nobody you pompous prick

**Cell:** How dare you address me like that Vegeta! After all the beatings I gave you, you'd think you'd shown me more respect.

**Vegeta:** Oh get over yourself.

**Cell:** WHAT!? NOBODY TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT! I SHOULD BLOW THIS WHOLE PLANET UP FOR YOUR INSOLENSE!

**Vader:** Suuuuuure you would Cell.

**Cell:** ALRIGHT THAT'S IT!

**Vader and Vegeta**:…………..

**Cell:**…………..

**Vader and Vegeta**:…………..

**Cell:**…………..

**Cell:** (pouting) I'm going to go and sit on the bus (shuffles off)

**Donny:** (nudges Barry) Hey look Barry. Howard's got a girlfriend.

**Barry:** Damn she's pretty hot too. (They both look at Howard who is deep in conversation with the cashier. At the same time Smith emerges from a hole in the wall dusting his hands off.)

**Vegeta:** Can we go now. I am tired of waiting in this hell hole.

**Donny:** (sniggering) Sure, just as soon as Howard is done with his new friend.

(All the villains who are still conscious and inside the store look at Howard, who is still talking to the cashier)

**Howard:** Listen, I know we just met and normally I would never do this but……my friends and I are going on a three day trip to the National Park. Uh do you uh want to come along?

**Female Cashier:** Are you the guys traveling with those weirdoes?

**Howard:** What do you mean?

**Female Cashier:** Those guys over there. You know the one in the suit and the short one with the crazy hair and the guy dressed up like Darth Vader and that freak with the painted face and that Arnie impersonator. And the big green guy that just left.

**Howard:** But they aren't……oh those guys. Yeah they're with me. So uh…. what do uh….you say about coming with us?

**Female Cashier:** What, go off with a bunch of weirdoes in a mini van to a totally isolated place because of some guy that's hitting on me? Sure why not

**Howard:** Really?! You….you're serious!?

**Female Cashier:** Sure. My shift ends in 5 minutes. I'll get changed and then we can go.

**Howard:** C-cool

**Vegeta: **Hurry up human! I haven't got all day to sit around here and watch you appease your hormones!

**Barry:** Come on guys, let's get on the bus.

**Vader:** Why go to the bus when the bus can come to you? (He extends his hand)

**Barry:** No, Vader. Don't do what I think-

(Vader pulls his hand back. The next second the bus comes crashing through the wall of the shop, flattening several bystanders. Cell pokes his head out the broken back window)

**Cell:** Do you mind?! I was trying to sleep!

**Vegeta:** And we don't care. Now everyone on the bus before I blow this whole god-forsaken hell hole into a crater!

**Donny:** (shakes his head) Always with the death threats. Hey Terminator, get Joker.

**Terminator: **Mission confirmed. (He grabs the unconscious Joker and drags him onto the bus. Vader starts levitating all the food and drink he took as well as the ice cream cooler.)

**Cell:** You're not actually bringing that are you?

**Vader:** Of course I am. Now I have a monopoly on all the frozen pudding. (Chuckles evilly)

**Joker:** (waking up) Did someone say pudding?

**Vader:** It's my pudding. Mine

**Smith:** THIS IS MY PUDDING! MY PUDDING! (He jumps out of the bus and randomly punches the nearest bystander)

**Gollum:**(poking his head out from behind the seat.) It's mine, my own. My _Precious!_ (Disappears)

**Barry:** What the hell was that? (Smith gets back onto the bus) Hey Smith, why did you just do that?

**Smith:** I don't know. I just had an urge to do it. Although I seem to do it a lot (Strokes his chin thoughtfully) I'm going to look into this.

**Joker: **Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, let me have some ice cream.

**Vader:** (very irritated) Alright then, you want ice cream, I'll give you ice cream.( He opens the cooler)

**Joker:** Oh goody! Ice Cream! (He eagerly reaches for the ice cream)

**Vader:** HERE'S YOUR DAMN ICE CREAM! (He uses the Force to bombard the Joker with ice cream)

**Joker:** Arrrrgh! It's cold! It's gooey! It's chocolatety, hmmm yummy! (He suddenly drops to the ground and starts screaming)

**Vader: **(Looking around)If anybody else tries to take my ice cream, you will experience the full power of the dark side of the Force.

**Vegeta:** Being bombarded by ice cream? That might terrify a six year old but we are certified super villains. It takes more than air borne frozen pudding to scare us.

**Vader:** It scared him. (He points to the Joker who is still screaming on the ground)

**Joker:** IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOEY! (Resumes screaming)

**Vegeta:** He doesn't count!

**Vader:** Why not?

**Vegeta:** Because he's…..he's….well you know what he's like.

**Donny:** (very loudly) Ok guys that's enough. This bus is already pretty screwed up and we don't need a couple of super villains duking it out. We should just-

**Terminator:** A fight between super villains has a high probability of attracting police cars. (He puts his sunglasses on)

**Barry:** Why do you want to blow up police cars so badly?

**Terminator:** Police cars are historically the biggest interference to completing my missions.

**Barry:** But there aren't any police cars to "interfere with your mission" or whatever.

**Terminator:** (Dramatically) There will be

**Barry:** But you just- oh never mind ( sighs and walks away)

**Vegeta:** I am tired of waiting. (He pokes his head out the window of the bus) Human! Get on this vehicle right now! We are leaving!

**Howard:** Keep your spandex on Vegeta! I'm not ready yet.

**Vegeta:** How dare you defy the Prince Of All Saiyans! I should blast you into a million pieces right here!

**Vader:** You can't.

**Vegeta:** Why not?

**Vader:** Because it says so right here on page 59 of the Official Super Villains Handbook.

Quote said villain is not to destroy, kill, maim, or harm any humans which serve their purposes until said purpose has been completed. After said purpose has been completed, said villain may destroy said human at leisure End quote. This human has not fulfilled his purpose and thus you can't destroy him.

**Vegeta**: (Screams in frustration. Randomly blasts the nearest human)

**Female Cashier:** Ready. (steps out of back room wearing a midriff and short denim shorts)

**Howard:** (stares)

**Joker:** (stares)

**Cell**: (Rolls eyes)

**Smith:** (punches Joker for no reason)

**Donny and Barry:** (chuckle and nudge each other)

**Mitchell:** (still unconscious)

**Terminator:** ( no reaction)

**Vegeta:** (Vein bulging in his forehead) CAN WE GO NOW!?!?!?!?!?

**Howard:** (ignoring Vegeta) W-w-w-w-

**Female Cashier:** (giggles) I get the point. Hey, I think we better go. Your friend with the crazy hair looks like he's about to blow a thousand blood vessels (points to Vegeta who is very red in the face and twitching)

**Howard:** Just ignore him….if you can. What's your name by the way?

**Female Cashier:** I'm Nina

**Howard:** I'm Howard. Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys. (They get onto the bus)

**Howard:** Guys, this is Nina. Be VERY VERY nice to her, understand?

**Vegeta: (** Vein bulging in forehead. His hair starts to change color from black to gold and his eyes from black to green) WE DON'T CARE! JUST GET THIS DAMN BUS MOVING! NOW!

**Nina:** (Stares)

**Howard:** (quietly) Look these guys are a little weird. I don't blame you if you want to bail

**Nina:** No, it's good. I like a bit of weirdness and unpredictability. Makes life interesting

**Howard:** Ok then, if you're sure….

**Nina:** Yeah I am. Are you going to introduce me to these guys or what?

**Howard:** Oh right. Well Mr. Hissy-Fit over there is Vegeta

**Vegeta:** ENOUGH TALK! DRIVE THE DAMN BUS HUMAN!

**Howard:** (ignores Vegeta) The big green and black guy with the gray face is Cell

**Cell:** My name is PERFECT Cell.

**Vegeta:** Then why did you get killed?

**Cell:** SILENCE!

**Howard:** Anyway, the guy in the suit and sunglasses is Smith

**Smith:** Tell me, have you been in contact with a man who calls himself Morpheus?

**Nina:** Uhh…..

**Howard:** Ignore him. The big guy with the shotgun, minigun, grenade launcher and leather jacket is Terminator.

**Terminator:** Do you work for the police?

**Howard:** No she doesn't. The guy on the floor is Joker

**Joker:** IT'S GOOOOOOOEY! ( kicked by Cell)

**Howard:** The really big guy with the cape, helmet and breathing problems in Darth Vader.

**Vader:** Bow to a true Sith Lord. And the frozen pudding is ALL mine so don't ask for any.

**Howard:** Moving on. And these guys are my best friends, Barry, Donny and Mitchell

**Barry:** Hi, how are you (shakes her hand)

**Donny:** Very pleased to make you acquaintance (shakes her hand)

**Mitchell:** (Unconscious)

**Nina:** (looking at Mitchell) Is he going to be ok?

**Howard:** Yeah, he'll wake up in a bit and then you can meet him properly. (To all the occupants of the bus) OK guys, we are out of here!

_Everyone sits down in their seats_

**Vegeta:** ABOUT DAMN TIME!

(And so, the bus with our heroes and villains made its way out of the service station and into whatever adventures lay ahead)

* * *

Well there you have it folks the first chapter of The Villains camping trip, sort of long-ish chapters but the Deakus Duo are into that sort of thing...(in scary DBZ voice over voice) Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of The Villains camping trip! 


	2. Chapter 2

(30 mins later)

**Howard:** OK people. We're about an hour away from the national park. Hopefully, we'll get there with plenty of time to pitch our tents and get organized

( A loud bang is heard. The bus rocks and jolts. Howard is able to steer it to the side of the road and stop it. Mitchell finally wakes up.)

**Howard:** Is everyone alright?

**Mitchell:** Man what happened? I feel like a herd of elephants has been standing on my head for the last week

**Joker:** (Puts his hand up and starts thrashing in his seat)

**Howard:** What is it Joker?

**Joker:** Well, the loud noise scared me so I kinda had a little accident.

**Howard:** What do you mean?

**Joker:** I soiled myself

**Smith:** Oh good grief! (holds his nose)

**Howard:** Damn. Everyone off the bus.

(The humans and villains climb off the bus. It appears that the bus blew a tire and Joker's seat will never smell good again)

**Barry:** Damn it! By the time we change the tire it'll be too late to get to the national park with enough time to properly set up before nightfall.

**Howard:** I agree. There's a small city with a motel a few kilometers down the road. We'll change the tire and stop there for the night.

**Vader:** I need to get to a power socket soon. My frozen pudding is melting (points to his ice cream cooler)

**Howard:** Right. Ok guys. Donny, Mitchell and Barry, you guys change the tire. Nina and I will call ahead to the motel so the rooms are ready. Villains, DON'T wander off and DON'T try to terrorize passing traffic. All clear?

**Everybody:** Yes Howard.

**Vegeta:** More waiting! I've had enough of this blasted expedition already.

**Cell:** You can fly fool. Why not just fly there, Mr. Whiny-Prince?

**Vegeta:** Oh yeah? Well why don't you fly there Mr. Perfection?

**Cell:** I'm not the one whining

**Vegeta:** I have a right to whine. I'm royalty.

**Cell:** Not here.

**Vegeta:** I'm royalty wherever I go. I am the prince of a glorious warrior race, and on my shoulders rests-

**Cell:** SHUT UP VEGETA, NOBODY CARES!

**Vegeta:** WHY YOU-! That does it. It's time to settle this in the way of a true warrior.

**Cell:** I thought you'd never ask

(5 minutes later)

(Vegeta and Cell are playing chess on the bus. Howard and Nina come over)

**Howard:** Uh, guys. What are you doing?

**Vegeta:** Silence! We are settling a matter of honor in the true warrior way.

**Cell:** (moving a piece) Check.

**Vegeta:** (swears under his breath and moves his king)

**Cell:** Check.

**Vegeta:** (swears and moves king)

**Cell:** Check.

**Vegeta:** (swears and moves king)

**Cell:** Checkmate. I win! I win!

**Vegeta:** (swears and blows up chessboard)

**Cell:** That was very immature, you know

**Vegeta:** Shut up! (starts pouting)

**Cell:** Oh well. Luckily I brought spares. (Opens a bag full of chess boards and chess pieces. Donny, Mitchell and Barry get back on the bus.)

**Barry:** We have a problem. The spare tire is flat.

**Howard:** Flat? What do you mean?

**Barry:** There's no air in the tire brainiac. We are going to have to call a mechanic.

**Howard:** But the nearest mechanic is in the town, half an hour away. Who'd come at this hour to this far out.

**Donny:** We'll just give him compensation for his trouble. Anyway we don't have a choice.

**Howard:** (irritated) Fine. I'll call the damn mechanic.

**Nina:** Let me.

**Howard:** What?

**Nina:** I'll call the mechanic. Most mechanics are men, right?

**Howard:** Well yeah, but I don't see how that's going to help us

**Nina:** (Winks and picks up the mobile phone. She dials a number and waits a few moments)

**Mechanic: **(gruff voice) Yeah this is Grumpy Joe's. Whadayawant?

**Nina:** (sexy voice) Oh hi. I've, like blown a tire out in the middle of ,like, nowhere and I don't have a spare. Could you, like, come and help a vivacious, stranded girl out?

**Mechanic: **Uh geez….well it's almost closing time and I-

**Nina: ( **even sexier voice) Oh come on. Like, please. I only have my mini-skirt and my midriff top and it's so cold out here…..

**Mechanic:** Oh…alright I'll be right out. How far away are you?

**Nina:** Oh you are sooooooooo sweet. I'm about 30 minutes out of town.

**Mechanic:** OK, I'll be right out (hangs up)

**Nina:** (hangs up and smirks.)

**Howard, Mitchell. Barry, Donny:** (speechless)

**Vegeta:** (pouting)

**Cell:** ( not interested)

**Nina:** That's how it's done boys. (smiles seductively)

**Howard:** Wow

**Donny:** You're good

**Barry:** (still speechless)

**Mitchell:** Oh you go girl (looks gay)

( At that moment, Joker comes bursting into the bus covered in ice cream)

**Joker:** (babyish voice) Howard! Vader and Smith are throwing ice cream at the cars and when I told them to stop they threw ice cream at me and it's cold and gooey and chocolately. Mmmmm yummy!

**Howard: **Oh dammit! (Runs outside. Vader is using the Force to throw the ice cream, Smith is using his hands)

**Vader:** Heheh I haven't had this much fun for years (throws an ice cream at a passing car, causing it to swerve off the road and crash)

**Smith:** Indeed. This is even more fun than beating up Mr. Anderson (chuckles and throws an ice cream at a road train, which slams into the car in front of it and causes a mini pile up)

**Vader:** Doesn't he always beat you up?

**Smith:** Shut up! Hey, twenty bucks says you can't hit the aerial of the next car that passes.

**Vader:** You're on Suit-boy (Vader levitates an ice cream and waits for a car with an aerial to pass. He sees one and throws the ice cream. It hits the aerial. The car skids sideways into another car and they both slide into a tree)

**Smith:** Dammit!

**Vader:** (laughing) Oh yeah! Who's Da Man?! Pay up pal

**Smith:** (muttering under his breath. Gives Vader $20)

**Howard:** ( furious) What did I say about NOT terrorizing the traffic?!?!

**Smith:** Don't terrorize the traffic

**Howard:** And what the hell are you two doing?!?

**Vader:** (guiltily) Nothing

**Howard:** Get back on the bus you two, right now!

**Smith and Vader:** (mutter and swear under their breath. They get back on the bus. Howard talks to everyone on the bus)

**Howard:** Hey guys, why don't we have a chess tournament to pass the time until the mechanic gets here. Villains vs. Us

**Donny:** Hey, great idea Howard!

**Vegeta:** ( pouting) Do we have a choice?

**Everyone:** No.

**Howard:** Ok, we'll draw names out of a hat to see who plays who. (Names are written and put into Barry's or Mitchell's hat. Howard pulls out a card from one hat) Ok, Donny will play…..( pulls out another card) Smith.

**Donny:** Great!

**Smith:** (sarcastically) Oh goody.

**The Board Is Ready……** (cue dramatic music)

DONNY VS. SMITH

(**Let's Rumble!)**

Donny is white, Smith is black. The game goes smoothly, until……)

**Smith:** Your bishops are proving to be a great nuisance to me.

**Donny:** Yeah, I like using bishops. ( Moves a bishop) Check.

**Smith:** Hmmmm (moves his king)

**Donny:** (moves his other bishop) Check.

**Smith:** ( chuckles evilly) From now on my bishopy friends , you will see the world through different eyes

(He pokes one of Donny's bishops with his index finger. It gets covered with goo and then becomes a mini-Smith)

**Smith:** Yes, that's it. It'll be over soon.

(The mini-Smith starts running around the board, turning Donny's other pieces into mini-Smiths)

**Donny:** Hey, that's not fair! That's cheating!

**Smith:** You never said we couldn't use our abilities.

**Other Super Villains:** Yeah!

**Howard:** (sighs) Don't worry about it Donny. Be proud he had to cheat to beat you.

**Donny:** (half smiling) I guess

( Everyone watches as the mini-Smith's clone all of Donny's pieces. They then gang up on Donny's king and start punching and kicking it. Little bit of plastic fly everywhere. Donny's king becomes a small pile of plastic)

**Smith:** (laughing evilly) I won! I won! I won! (starts dancing)

**Donny:** Yeah,yeah……

**Howard:** (reaches into a hat.) Ok, next it'll be….Barry versus (he reaches into the other hat) Terminator.

**Barry:** Yeah!

**Terminator:** Mission confirmed.

**The Board Is Ready...**(cue dramatic music)

Barry VS Terminator

**(Let's Rumble!)**

(Barry is white, Terminator is black. The game is uneventful until……)

**Terminator:** The probability of me winning is rapidly declining.

**Barry:** Wha…?

**Terminator:** You have the tactical advantage

**Barry:** Uh, ok then. (He moves one of his castles)

**Barry:** Check.

**Terminator:** (moves king)

**Barry:** (moves castle)

**Terminator: **(pulls out a shotgun and shoots Barry's castle, vaporizing it)

**Barry:** What the hell?!

**Terminator:** Your castle was a threat to my mission. My primary objective is to defend the black king.

**Barry:** But you're supposed to use YOUR pieces to take MY pieces!

**Terminator:** Really? My files contain no record of using pieces to attack

**Barry:** ( irritated) Look, you go like this… (He moves his queen and takes one of Terminator's bishops.) And take the piece. See, you're in check. Now you have to-

**Terminator:** (Blast's Barry's queen with a shotgun)

**Barry:** Terminator! YOU CAN'T SHOOT MY PIECES!

**Terminator:** Your queen was a threat to my mission. My primary objective is to protect the black king.

**Barry:** (screams in frustration) Look! If you can't take my piece, move your king out of the way! Like this… (he moves a bishop) Check. Now you-

**Terminator:** Evasion is not possible (Blasts Barry's bishop with a shotgun)

**Barry:** YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!!!

**Terminator:** Your bishop was a threat to my mission. My primary objective-

**Barry:** I KNOW! ( calms down) ok..ok… It's your move.

**Terminator:** (Shoots Barry's king with a shotgun)

**Barry:** YOU CAN'T-

**Terminator:** Your king has been terminated

**Barry:** You….I …..that's (sighs and walks away)

**Howard:** Ok, next up (he reaches into a hat) Mitchell (reaches into the other hat) Cell.

**Mitchell:** Okely dokely!

**Cell:** Oh spare me

**The Board Is Ready** (cue dramatic music)

Mitchell vs cell

(**Let's Rumble!)**

(Mitchell is white, Cell is black. This game doesn't even really start…….)

**Mitchell:** Oh joy! A merry old game of chess! Why, I remember when I was a nipper, my granddaddy would-

**Cell:** (sighs) Shut up and move.

**Mitchell:** Oh, right. (He moves a pawn)

**Cell:** (Moves a knight)

**Mitchell:** Oooh, good move. It reminds me of when I used to date Bessy. Oh we used to go out into the garden and play chess until sundown; it was some of the most magical moments of my life. Another-

**Cell:** (irritated) I don't want to hear your life story human! Make a move.

**Mitchell:** Oh, right (moves his castle)

**Cell:** (moves a pawn)

**Mitchell:** Oh, why didn't I think of that? Back when me and my beautiful Bessy used to play, she'd always say: Mitchell, I don't think that's a good move, and I'd always say-

**Cell:** (Vein throbbing in forehead) Human, I'm warning you…….

**Mitchell:** Oh, right (moves a different pawn)

**Cell:** (moves a bishop)

**Mitchell:** Oh, I remember when me and my Bessy used to play. She used to love using bishops. I said to her one day, Bessy, I said, Why don't you-

**Cell:** THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE THIS POINTLESS BABBLING ANYMORE!!!!! (He blasts Mitchell's side of the board, vaporizing all his pieces) THERE! YOUR KING IS DEAD! I WIN! NOW GO AWAY AND SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DAMN BESSY!!!!!!

**Mitchell:** (blackened face. His hair is smoking and his clothes are burnt) okely…..dokely (passes out)

**Howard:** Ah….well ok then. Next it'll be (reaches into a hat) Nina (reaches into the other hat) versus Joker

**Nina:** Right

**Joker:** What's a chessboard?

**The Board Is Ready** (cue dramatic music)

NINA VS JOKER

**(Let's Rumble!)**

(Nina is white, Joker is black. Another one of those games that just doesn't get started…)

**Joker:** (Holding up a pawn) So what does this doo-hickey do?

**Nina: **That's a pawn. It can only move one square at a time and can only take pieces diagonally. I'm white, so I move first. (moves a pawn) That's how you move pawns.

**Joker:** Oh riiiiiight (moves a pawn)

**Nina:** (moves a knight)

**Joker:** (moves the same pawn)

**Nina:** (moves a castle)

**Joker:** (moves the same pawn)

**Nina:** Uh, Joker. You can use more than one piece you know.

**Joker:** Oh goody! (moves the same pawn again, and then a different pawn)

**Nina:** No, you can't move two pieces in the same move.

**Joker:** Why not?

**Nina:** That's the rules of chess.

**Joker: (**babyish voice) Then chess is stupid.

**Vegeta:** If you screw up our unbeaten record, human, I will blast you into the next dimension!

**Joker:** (whiney voice) Howard, Vegeta's giving me death threats.

**Howard:** (sighs) Just play the game Joker

**Nina:** (moves her queen) Check.

**Joker:** (moves the same pawn)

**Nina:** Joker, when you're in check, you have to move your king out of danger.

**Joker:** Oh! (moves his king)

**Nina:** (moves her castle) Check.

**Joker:** No fair! I was just in check!

**Nina:** There's no limit to the amount of times you can be in check.

**Joker:** ( moves his king)

**Nina:** (moves her queen) Check

**Joker:** (starts crying) No fair! You're cheating!

**Vegeta:** SHUT UP AND PLAY THE DAMN GAME! YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO THE TITLE "SUPER VILLAIN"! IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THE WOMAN, LET SOMEONE WHO CAN!

**Howard:** You can't take over his game Vegeta. You know it's against the rules

**Vegeta:** (swears under his breath)

**Joker:** (sniffling. Moves his king)

**Nina:** ( To herself) I really don't want to do this…. (moves her castle) Check

**Joker**; (babyish voice) It's not fair! You're all against me! (starts bawling and runs off the bus)

**Vegeta:** What a disgrace!

**Howard:** I guess that means Nina wins. And I guess that means it's me versus (reaches into a hat) Vader.

**Vader:** Prepare to experience the full wrath of the dark side of the Force!

**Howard:** Vader, it's just a chess game.

**Vader:** That's what you think (chuckles evilly)

**The Board Is Ready** (cue dramatic music)

HOWARD VS VADER

**(Let's Rumble!)**

( Howard is white, Vader is black. The game goes smoothly until…….)

**Howard:** Hmmmmm (strokes his chin and moves a castle)

**Vader:** Hmmmm ( stokes his mask and moves a pawn)

**Howard:** (takes Vader's queen with a castle) Hehe

**Vader:** How dare you! (cuts Howard's castle in half with his lightsaber)

**Howard:** Vader, you can't- oh what's the point?

**Vader:** (moves a bishop)

**Howard:** (takes Vader's bishop with his queen)

**Vader:** Why you- (uses the Force to bombard Howard's queen with ice cream from the cooler. It is eventually knocked off the board. Vader chuckles evilly)

**Howard:** (sighs. Moves a knight)

**Vader:** (moves another bishop)

**Howard:** (takes Vader's bishop with a knight)

**Vader:** Oh that does it! You've crossed the line buddy-boy! ( Starts Force Choking Howard's king. The Imperial March starts playing for no reason. Howard's king is crushed into a tiny plastic ball)

**Vader:** (pumping his fists in the air) Oh yeah! Who's your daddy!?

**Howard:** (wearily) So after 5 rounds of "chess" Villains win 4-1

**All Villains except Joker:** Yeah! (High 5 each other)

**Vegeta:** I propose, as Coach of the Villains Chess Team, we all kill Joker in celebration

**All Villains except Joker:** YAY!

**All Humans:** NO!

**All Villains except Joker:** Awwwwwww

**Barry:** (looking out the back window) Hey, guys, the mechanic's here

**Howard:** Ok then. We'll deal with this. (he and Nina go outside)

**Mechanic:** You must be the people who called. There's a spare tire in my truck.

**Howard:** Great. ( He and the mechanic get the tire out of the truck and get it onto the bus)

**Mechanic:** Ok, that'll be $300

**Howard:** $300?!

**Mechanic:** Yeah, for the tire, my normal fee and the extra time it took to get out here.

**Howard:** Fine. (Pays the mechanic) Thanks a lot.

(The sound of sirens is suddenly heard. Two police cars come skidding to a stop near the bus. Four policemen get out and aim pistols and shotguns)

**Policeman: **(through a megaphone) You! In the bus! You are under arrest for murder, manslaughter, deliberately causing car crashes and theft of an ice cream cooler! Step out of your vehicle, throw down your weapons and come out with your hands above your head!

**Donny:** AW CRAP!

**Joker:** (Running around in a circle.) The cops are here! The cops are here! Oh God! Oh God! (Throws himself down onto the ground and starts crying) WE'RE GONNA DIE!

**Howard:** Ok, ok, ok. Stay calm guys. I'm sure we can just talk our way out of this.

**Barry:** Or we just blame Vader.

**Vader: (**gives a death glare)

**Barry:** (sees Vader even though his face can't be seen through the mask) Or not (laughs nervously)

( They see Terminator putting his sunglasses on)

**Donny:** Oh, no! Terminator, don't!

**Terminator:** (grabs a mini-gun and clomps off the bus) I'll be back.

**Howard:** This ain't gonna be pretty.

( The Terminator walks outside until he's about 50 meters away from the police cars)

**Policeman:** (through the megaphone) You! Through down your weapon, put your hands on your head and get down on your knees!

(The Terminator starts shooting up all the police cars. The policemen run for cover. Two are shot, the other two get to the trees on the side of the highway. The two police cars explode. Terminator clomps back onto the bus)

**Terminator:** The threat has been neutralized. We can proceed with our mission.

**Howard:** Uh, right (He starts the bus and screeches off down the highway)


	3. Chapter 3

(30 minutes later)

**Howard:** (drives into the very expensive and exclusive motel car park) Righto guys. We're staying here for the night and we'll head off for the national park tomorrow morning.

(A valet parks the car. The humans and the villains walk into motel reception)

**Receptionist:** Hi. What can I do for you?

**Howard:** Yeah, I had some rooms booked under "Howard"

**Receptionist:** Uh….yes sir. Six rooms. Is that right?

**Howard:** Spot on.

**Receptionist:** Great.( pulls six keys off hooks on the wall behind her) Here you go

**Howard:** (takes the keys) Thank you. (Turns back to the villains) Ok guys; let's work out who goes with who. We'll meet back here for dinner at around 7:00. Vegeta, you'll go with Cell  
**Cell:** (sarcastically) Oh goody

**Vegeta:** I expect all the bedding space for myself, android.

(Vegeta takes a key and goes to the elevator with Cell)

**Howard:** Right, Smith, you go with Joker

**Joker:** Yay! Come on Smithy

**Smith:** (punches Joker) Never ever call me that again. (He takes a key from Howard and drags Joker into the elevator)

**Howard:** Vader, you can go with Mitchell

**Mitchell:** Hooray! (Takes key from Howard)

**Vader:** (sadly) Why me?

(Mitchell skips into the elevator. Vader shuffles off after him)

**Howard:** Ok, Barry, you'll be with Donny

**Donny:** Righteo Boss-man (takes key from Howard)

( He and Barry get into the elevator)

**Howard:** I'll go with Nina and Terminator, you'll be by yourself.

**Terminator:** Affirmative.

(Howard gives Terminator a key. They all go up to their rooms)

(3 hours later, hotel bar)

( Vegeta and Cell are sitting at the bar)

**Vegeta:** Human Barkeep! I demand a glass of your finest wine immediately!

**Cell:** I'll have what he's having.

**Bartender:** Uh, ok then. Two glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon coming right up.

(He returns a minute later with the wine) There you go gentlemen.

**Vegeta:** This had better be good. ( he sips the wine and starts swishing it around in his mouth) Hmmm. Not bad, not bad

**Cell:** (sips his wine) Hmmm, it's a rather cheeky wine indeed

**Vegeta:** How can wine be cheeky? If any wine tried to give me cheek I'd blast it into the next dimension.

**Cell:** Vegeta, I didn't mean that-

**Vegeta:** Nothing gives cheek to the Prince Of All Saiyans, whether it be human, android, namek, wine, toothpicks, washing machines-

**Cell: **How is that possible?! He only had one sip!

**Vegeta:** (Skulls what's left in his glass) I was in my home once, and this incredibly rude hairdryer started giving me cheek. It called me-hic- Carrot Head. Can you believe the impertinence?! (He starts banging his fist on the bar. Small cracks appear under his fist) Barkeep! I demand another one of these. (He grabs Cell's glass by mistake and starts waving it around, sloshing wine all over them)

**Cell: **(sighs) I'll have another as well (starts drying himself with a napkin)

(Faint screaming can be heard in the lobby. It gradually gets louder and louder. Several people crowd around the elevator door. It finally opens and Mitchell comes bursting out, covered with ice cream. Vader is chasing him, dragging the cooler behind him and using the Force to throw ice cream at Mitchell)

**Vader:** TOUCH MY FROZEN PUDDING WILL YOU!?

**Mitchell:** I JUST WANTED ONE!

**Vader:** NOBODY TOUCHES MY FROZEN PUDDING COOLER! TAKE THAT POOF-BOY!

**Mitchell:** (screams like a girl and runs around the lobby)

**Vader:** Who's your daddy?!

**Mitchell:** (screams louder) IT'S GOOOOOOOOOEY!

**Cell:** (blocks ears)

**Vegeta:** (drunk. Points to a bottle of rum) Oh shush you…..you…..

**Cell:** (reaches over and takes Vegeta's wine)

**Vegeta:** Oy! I was drinking-hic-that! How dare you touch the Prince Of All Saiyans liquor! I'm going to-hic-blast you into scrap ( He starts trying to hit Cell, but keeps missing because of his blurred vision.)

**Cell:** (ignores Vegeta and keeps sipping on his wine)

(More yelling can be heard from the elevator. A banging can be heard. People start watching the elevator again. When the doors open Joker comes running out, chased by Smith)

**Joker:** I've got your sunnies! (Waves Smith's sunglasses around in the air while running around the lobby)

**Smith:** JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU LITLE SHIT!

**Joker:** Na-na-na-na you can't catch me

**Smith:** Nuts to this (He sticks his hand into a plant. The plant gets covered with goo and turns into a Smith clone. Smith takes the clones sunglasses)

**Clone:** Hey!

**Smith:** (putting his new sunglasses on) Blame him. (Points to Joker)

**Joker:** Hey no fair! That's cheating! (The clone starts chasing Joker while Smith walks into the bar)

**Smith: (**drawling) Mr. Bartenderson. I would like a vodka cruiser.

**Bartender:** Coming right up. (He starts preparing Smith's drink)

**Smith:** (looking at Vegeta) What's wrong with him?

**Cell:** (Looks at Vegeta)

**Vegeta:** (Trying to steal an old lady's drink)

**Cell:** I think he has an alcohol problem.

**Smith:** I see. ( The bartender comes back with Smiths' vodka)

(Back in the lobby, the clone has turned some of the plants in the lobby into Smiths)

**Joker:(** being chased by five or six Smiths) No fair! You super villains always cheat!

**Hotel clerk:** ( To a Smith) Uh, sir could uh you and your, uh, friends please stop running in the lobby.

**Clone:** (punches clerk into a wall)

**Clerk:** ow ( passes out)

(Meanwhile, Barry and Donny step out of the elevator)

**Barry:** Reckon the others are here yet?

**Donny:** (looks around) Well, some of them are. (He points to where the Smiths are chasing Joker all over the lobby)

**Barry:** I wonder where Mitchell is?

**Donny:(** chuckling) Have a look over there. (he points)

**Barry:** (looks)

**Mitchell:** (covered in ice cream and crying and wailing) It's cold and gooey!

**Vader:** Yeah, that'll show you, ya little shit. Nobody touches Darth Ass-Whippers frozen pudding! (Starts doing a bizarre rap about ice cream coolers, lightsabers, ass kicking and Da Man)

**Barry:** I'm out of here before the cops show up again. Come on Donny, let's go to the bar

(The two humans walk into the bar to see Vegeta stealing people's drinks. They walk up to the bar where Cell and Smith are.)

**Donny:** Hey, what's up with Vegeta?

**Cell and Smith:** Alcohol problem

**Donny and Barry:** Oh

(Terminator clomps into the lobby a few minutes later, followed by Howard and Nina. Howard is wearing a suit and Nina is wearing an elegant red dress that doesn't leave a lot to the imagination.)

**Joker:** (sees Nina) Holy Hell! (stops running and stares)

**Clone:** Gotcha! (grabs Joker and takes his sunglasses) Get him boys!

**Joker:** Aw crap.

(The Smiths tackle Joker and start beating the hell out of him)

**Joker:** ARRRRRRRGH!

**Clone:** Yeah, you're real tough now aren't ya?

**Howard:** GUYS! Leave him alone, ok. Beat him up later in a less public place.

**Clones:** (grumble and walk out side)

**Vader:** (dancing on the reception desk) Oh yeah! Who's Da Man!? V! A! D! E! R!

**Howard:** Vader!

**Vader:** Damn right!

**Howard:** (sighs) Stop dancing Vader and go to the restaurant. Any idea of where the others are?

**Vader:** Yeah, in the bar.

**Howard:** (to Nina) Wait here. I'll be right back (walks into the bar)

**Vegeta: **(slurs)You know what I don't like about you? You're cross-eyed. ( grabs a passing person's drink and skulls it)

**Man:** Uh, I'm actually not cross-eyed-

**Vegeta:** (points to a spot about a foot to the left of the man) Shut up! I wasn't talking to-hic-you!

**Cell:** (walks over) Vegeta, you do realize you've never seen this man before in your life?

**Vegeta:** Oh shush, Joker, I wasn't talking to you-hic-either (turns around and sees Cell) Hoo boy! You've grown a few-hic-……feet.

**Cell:** (sighs) That's because I'm not Joker, you intoxicated buffoon. I'm Perfect Cell.

**Vegeta:** Oh! I used to know a guy named Cell once. God he was ugly…… and green.

**Cell:** I am not ugly! Well, I used to be, but I've evolved.

**Vegeta: (**slurred) Eh? "But" isn't a word.

**Cell:** (sighs)

(Meanwhile, a large, bald dark skinned man enters the bar wearing a leather coat and round sunglasses. He sits next to Smith)

**Man:** (deep voice) Have you any of the bourbon?

**Bartender:** Yep

**Smith: **(drawling) Ah, the great Morpheus. We meet again.

**Man:** Actually, I've never-

**Smith:** Get him men!

( Smith's clones come charging into the bar and start beating up the man. Smith chuckles evilly)

( Another part of the bar)

**Barry:** (hits Donny's arm)

**Donny: **(indignantly) Oy! What'd you do that-

**Barry:** (points to a tall blonde woman who is half facing them) Is that who I think it is?

**Donny:** ( sees what Barry is pointing at) Holy Hell! Could it be possible?

**Barry:** Well, we found these other guys. It's gotta be possible.

**Donny:** You're right. But how do we find out? W can't just walk up to her and ask

**Barry:** Why not?

**Donny:** Because if she is who we think she is, she could kill us.

**Barry:** I really doubt that, but it might be better not to take risks. We'll have to ask one of the villains.

**Donny:** Right, but who? (They look around the bar and lobby)

**Barry:** Well, Vader's already gone down to the restaurant, Smith's beating up an innocent bystander with a few clones, Vegeta's so drunk, he doesn't even know what day of the week it is, Cell's pouting because Vegeta called him ugly, I think. Joker's had the shit beaten out of him again so that leaves…….

(They look at each other and smile)

**Barry and Donny:** Terminator!

(A few minutes later……)

**Terminator:** (approaches the woman) Excuse me. My mission is to ask you a few questions about yourself.

**Woman:** Fine.

**Terminator:** Are you Cyberdyne Systems Model TX Terminator prototype?

**Woman: **What the-?! How'd you-?! Uh, I mean affirmative.

**Terminator:** Do you know how you got here.

**TX:** Negative. I simply recall appearing in the middle of a street. I terminated a few humans, acquired their clothes and currency and eventually arrived here.

**Terminator:** If I send two humans over here, will you terminate them?

**TX:** Possibly.

**Terminator:** Thank you (walks back over to Donny and Barry) Mission successfully completed.

**Donny:** (jumping up and down) What'd she say?! What'd she say?! What'd she say?!

**Terminator:** Subject is confirmed as TX model terminator. Subject is unaware of events that have taken place to her previously arriving here. If approached, likelihood of human termination is moderate.

**Donny:** Good enough for me! Let's go Barry. (Drags Barry over to the TX)

**Donny:** (looking very nervous) Uh…yes…..hello….uh….are you the TX?

**TX:** So you are the owner of the T-800 model Terminator?

**Donny:** Uh well, yes. Me and my friend Barry here.

**Barry:** Great to meet you!

**TX:** Why are you bothering me?

**Donny:** Well…we were just- Hey, wait a sec. Why don't you act all Armyish like the Terminator (points to where the Termiantor is at the bar)

**Terminator:** I require an alcoholic beverage as quickly as possible.

**Bartender:** Sure buddy. What would you like?

**Terminator:** An alcoholic beverage

**Bartender:** No, I mean would you like whiskey, rum, bourbon, etcetera

**Terminator:** Etcetera is not an alcoholic beverage.

**Bartender:** (sighs) I know that, I-(sighs) What sort of drink do you want?

**Terminator:** An alcoholic one.

**Bartender:** (getting annoyed) Yeah, I know that, but do you want scotch, bourbon, whiskey, vodka……"

**Terminator:** I would like a beer.

**Bartender:** (grabs a glass) Now we're getting somewhere. Which beer do you want?

**Terminator: (**looking at the shelves behind the bartender) I see no beer on display with your other alcoholic products.

**Bartender:** (slowly) Yes, that's because we get it from the tap. (pats the beer tap) Now what sort of beer do you want?

**Terminator:** One with a moderate concentration of alcohol.

**Bartender:** Ok, now what _brand _of beer do you want?

**Terminator:** My files contain no record of branded beer.

**Bartender:** (sighs and shakes head) You don't get out much, do you?

**Terminator:** Negative.

**TX:** I don't act like him because later Terminator models are equipped with far superior files on how to act like humans. Now what do you want?

**Donny:** Well, I know this is going to sound really odd……but uh….me and my friends are…….going on a little camping trip……and uh, there are some, uh villains coming along with us. Would you like to uh……come with us?

**TX:** What is the purpose of this camping trip?

**Donny:** Well, entertainment and…we really respect these villains and…..wanted to see how they would act in reality.

**TX:** What prevents them from terminating you?

**Donny:** Well, Vader's got this…book. The Official Super Villains Handbook or something, and apparently they have to follow the books rules at all times.

**TX:** We do. So you humans are protected under the Handbook?

**Donny:** Uh, yes. So, uh, will you come with us?

**TX**: (softly) You are an intriguing human. (louder) Very well. I will accompany you.

**Donny:** GREAT! (Regains composure and clears throat) We're going down to a restaurant for dinner if you'd like to come.

**TX:** It's got to be better than staying around here and repelling the advances of aroused human males.

**Man:**( Approaches the TX) Look, I know you aren't keen to go out with me but please, give me a chance. Just let me buy you a-

**TX:** (punches the guy into a wall)

**Man:** (groggily) I guess that's a "no" then. (Passes out)

(Meanwhile, Howard attempts to restore order)

**Howard:** Cell, stop pouting and get down to the restaurant, Vegeta, give me that scotch (takes scotch)

**Vegeta:** (swears and slurs under his breath)

**Howard:** Stop swearing and get down to the restaurant. Smith, stop beating that guy up. He isn't Morpheus.

**Smith:** But-

**Howard:** No arguing! Get down to the restaurant and your clones can go somewhere where they aren't going to bother anyone. Terminator, we're going to dinner. Take Joker and Mitchell to the restaurant.

**Terminator:** Mission confirmed. (Clomps out of the bar)

**Howard:** Barry, Donny, come on. We're going.

**Donny:** (comes sprinting over) Howard! Howard! Howard! Guess who we've just met!

**Howard: **(suspiciously) Who?

**Donny:** The TX!

**Howard:** Seriously? Where? (Looks around)

**Donny:** Over there. (Points)

**Howard:** (looks) I'll be damned. Did you talk to her?

**Donny:** (grinning like an idiot) Yep. And guess what else? She's coming to the national park with us! (Starts jumping around)

**Howard:** Donny, I don't think that's a good idea. We've got a hard enough time keeping six super villains from wrecking up the whole country; seven could be too much for us.

**Donny:** Oh come on Howard. Pretty pretty please? I'll take full personal responsibility for her, I promise, and I'll make sure she behaves herself. Pleeeeeeeeeeease Howard!

**Howard:** (sighs) Fine. But she's _your_ responsibility.

**Donny:** YAY! She'll just be a minute.

**Howard:** When she's ready, get a taxi to the restaurant. The rest of us will meet you there. Coming Barry?

**Barry:** Right behind you.

(20 minutes later, The Restaurant)

(Howard, Nina, Barry, Terminator, Joker and Mitchell get out of a taxi at an expensive, exclusive restaurant)

**Barry:** Ok, Cell, Smith, Vader and Vegeta have all been here 5 minutes longer than us and I don't here explosions, screaming or angry yelling. Should we be worried or relieved?

**Howard:** We'll start with worried and go from there

(They enter the restaurant. Cell, Smith, Vader and Vegeta are talking to the Matre'D.

**Vegeta: **(drunk and slurring) Look, buddy, me an' my-hic-chums have a reshervation here ok.

**Matre'D: **Sir, unless you can tell me who the reservation is under, I can't seat you.

**Cell:** Our reservation is under "Howard" you incompetent nincompoop!

**Matre'D:** Abusing me won't get you a table sir. (He looks at Vader) And sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave your ice cream cooler outside.

**Vader:** Like hell I will! You let us in before I Force Push that wine rack up your ass!

**Matre'D:** Gentlemen, if you continue to abuse me, I will have to call the police.

**Smith:** I don't need a table for one, I need _more_ (He whistles and a group of Smith clones jump out from behind the fake plants around the walls)

**Cell:** That was a really bad witticism you know Smith……

**Smith:** Shut up Cell!

**Matre'D (**sweating) Uh, well since you put it that way, I could uh…..check my books for a "Howard" reservation. (He starts flicking through his scheduling book)

(Howard, Nina, Barry, Terminator, Joker and Mitchell walk in)

**Howard:** Hey guys. Why are you all hanging around here? And why are there Smith clones hiding in the bushes?

**Smith:** This idiotic human wouldn't let us in, so I had to….reason with him. I suspect he's working for Morpheus.

**Barry:** Why?

**Smith:** He wouldn't let me in

**Barry:** Well that doesn't mean-

**Matre'D:** Here we go. Table for twelve. How many of you are there now?

**Howard:** Ten

**Matre'D:** Very well sir. A waiter will seat you (clicks his fingers. A waiter appears.) Table 19

**Waiter:** Follow me please (leads them away to the table.) Here we are, Table 19. I will return with a menu shortly.

**Barry:** Hey, where's Vegeta. He was behind us a second ago. (Everyone looks around and sees Vegeta passed out face down in Table 14's soufflé)

**Howard:** Oh Jeez. I guess he's going to be like that all night.

**Cell:** No.

**Howard:** What do you mean?

**Cell:** Saiyans are particularly vulnerable to the effects of alcohol. The rapid metabolism of Saiyans means he will be passed out for about ten minutes. After that he will be urinating for a very long time. When all the alcohol is out of his system he will be back to his sober, arrogant, lovable self.

**Howard:** How do you know that?

**Cell:** Saiyan cells compose my very being

**Howard:** Then why don't you get drunk every time you have an alcoholic drink?

**Cell:** I'm perfect. I am immune to the effects of alcohol.

**Howard:** That's his answer to everything.

( They all take their seats at the table and wait for menus, Meanwhile at Table 14…..)

**Vegeta:** (wakes up) Oh sweet mother of mercy, I've gotta pee (sprints into the bathroom)

**Man:** Oy! What about our soufflé?

**Vegeta:** (Ignores him)

( Meanwhile, at the door, Donny and the TX arrive. They are arguing)

**TX:** I still don't understand why you're so worked up about this

**Donny:** (stressed) I'm not worked up. I just wish you didn't take things so….literally

**TX: **What do you mean?

**Donny:** Well, you sort of don't think about the……non violent options in life.

**TX:** Of course I don't. I'm a Terminatrix, I'm not supposed to think about those sort of things. Anyway, our instructions were to acquire a taxi for the journey to the restaurant.

**Donny:** Yes, but he meant we get a ride in one, not beat up the driver and steal one!

**TX:** The objective instructions were very vague.

**Donny:** Well if you'd listened to me, I would have explained.

**TX:** You didn't speak a logical word until after we had commandeered the vehicle. All you said before was: "AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

**Donny:** Well you practically threw me in the taxi after you'd tossed the driver through a wall.

**TX:** I thought speed was essential.

**Donny:** Yes, but….I….you…..(sighs) Look please just let me explain things before you start throwing people through walls.

**TX:** Alright, but throwing humans through walls is in my programming.

**Donny: **Well, try to repress it.

**TX:** Very well. (They approach the Matre'D)

**Matre'D : **Good evening. How may I help you?

**Donny:** We're with Howard

**Matre'D:** Ah. Table 19.

**Donny:** Thank you (He and the TX approach Table 19. Vegeta comes out from the restroom)

**Vegeta:** Blasted humans. Would it really kill them to make their toilets out of something stronger than porcelain? (He approaches the table)

**Cell:** Well, well, well. If it isn't the bottomless rum barrel, Prince of all Drunks. (He chuckles)

**Vegeta:** Silence android! How dare you mock my title and ancestors!?

**Cell:** I think you've done that yourself, what with having a nap in someone's soufflé

**Vegeta:** WHY YOU-

**Howard:** GUYS! Knock it off.

**Vegeta:** (glares at Cell) Oh your time will come android.

**Waiter:** (comes to the table) Alright ladies and gentlemen, I have the wine list and the menu. (He hands menus around)

**Joker:** (puts his hand up)

**Waiter:** Uh, yes, sir?

**Joker:** Do you have a kiddy menu?

**Waiter:** No sir, this is a five star restaurant. We don't serve children

**Joker:** (whiney voice) But I want chicken nuggets!

**Waiter:** We don't serve chicken nuggets!

**Joker: **(pouting) Then you're stupid

**Waiter:** Anyway for the rest of you, I'll be back momentarily (leaves)

**Terminator:** He'll be back

**Barry:** We know, Terminator. He just said he would.

**Terminator:** Historically, the phrase "I'll be back" is used as a threat. He might return with police cars.

**Barry:** Terminator, waiters don't carry police cars around in their pockets

**Terminator:** Can you verify that?

**Barry: **No, but logically his pockets are too small

**Terminator:** Suggest termination of waiter

**Howard:** Nobody's terminating anybody!

**TX:** Damn

**Terminator:** Affirmative.

**Smith:** He could be working for a man called Morpheus

**Howard:** Smith, nobody works for Morpheus.

**Smith:** The Matre'D does

**Howard:** Why?

**Smith:** He wouldn't let me in.

**Howard:** Smith, that's got nothing to do with who works for Morpheus.

**Smith:** I beat Morpheus up in the hotel bar. His human followers could be preparing for a revenge strike.

**Howrad:** (skeptically) A revenge strike?

**Smith:** Yes. That's why I've beefed up patrols. ( he points to the door where a few Smith clones are standing)

( A man wearing sunglasses and an expensive suit enter the bar. He pulls out a cell phone)

**Man:** I'm in the-

**Clone:** Get him!

(The clones jump on the man and start beating him up)

**Man:** (screams in pain)

**Matre'D:** Security!

( A large group of burly, muscular men attack the clones, starting a massive brawl at the restaurant's front door.)

**Howard:** (sighs) So much for a quiet night out

**Terminator: ** A civilian fight of this magnitude will attract police cars (puts his sunglasses on)

**Nina:** Shouldn't we try and get this under control before somebody, or us, gets killed?

**Howard:** Oh what's the point? We should just leave.

**Joker:** (bouncing around in his chair) BUT I WANT MY CHICKEN NUGGETS!

**Howard:** You weren't going to get any chicken nuggets anyway!

**Joker:** You're stupid.

**Howard:** (rubs his temples) I'm getting a headache.

**Mitchell:** (sees a cocktail umbrella) Oh aren't these cocktail umbrellas _so_ cute. I feel like dancing the cha cha!

**Cell:** Is it possible to buy Poofta Repellant?

**Mitchell:** Oh you know you like me.

**Cell:** (grabs a nearby chair and smashes it on Mitchell's head)

**Mitchell:** or not (passes out)

( A little boy comes up to Vader)

**Boy:** Excuse me Mister, but can I have some of your ice cream. (He points to the cooler)

**Vader:** Of course not! Do I look like Mr. Whippy to you!?

**Boy:** (sniffles) but…but…..

**Vader:** But nothing! What is this obsession with my frozen pudding?

**Boy:** (sniffles)

**Howard:** Alright, that's it. We're leaving

**Boy:** (sniffles)

**Joker:** BUT I WANT MY-

**Smith:** (punches Joker and knocks him out)

**Boy** (sniffles)

**Vegeta:** Waiter! I demand the wine list immediately!

**Donny:** Vegeta, don't you have any idea how drunk you get after one sip of wine?

**Boy**: (sniffles)

**Vegeta:** It takes more than alcohol to incapacitate the Prince Of All Saiyans!

**Barry:** Then why'd you get so drunk, you said the word "but" should be changed to "ustapalaka"?

**Boy:** (sniffles)

**Howard:** Donny, take the TX and see if you can get a few taxis to get us back to the motel.

**TX:** I'll take care of this. (Leaves the restaurant)

**Donny:** Oh no, no, no. What did I say about explaining things?! (Runs after the TX)

**Boy:** (sniffles)

**Nina:** Are you ok little guy?

**Boy:** The big man was mean (sniffles)

**Nina:** He's always mean (glares at Vader)

**Vader:** What?! Sheesh! I blow up a planet, torture dozens of innocents, cut my own son's hand off and betray my childhood friend and nobody says a thing. I bully one stupid kid and everyone throws a hissy fit!

**Nina:** (scowls and turns back to the boy) What's your name?

**Boy:** (sniffling and crying too hard to talk properly)

**Vegeta: **Can someone shut that damn kid up!?

**Smith:** Allow me (He looks at the boy. The kid's mouth starts to disappear so he can't talk or make any real noise)

**Vegeta:** Thank you!

**Smith:** (dusts his hands off) My pleasure.

(Sirens can be heard outside)

**Barry:** Damn It! The cops. Terminator, don't even think about it!

**Terminator:** (sits down and puts his shotgun away)

(Six policemen burst into the restaurant)

**Policeman:** Nobody move! Stop fighting! I want to see all your hands!

**Vegeta:** If I can't have wine, I demand we return to the hotel at once!

**Howard:** Didn't you notice the cops that are about arrest us?

**Vegeta:** Pah! Human police are nothing to me!

**Vader:** I'll handle this! ( He uses the Force to throw the ice cream cooler at the cops)

**Policeman:** Huh- (killed by flying ice cream cooler. The cooler opens and starts bombarding the cops with ice cream)

**Policemen:** COLD! GOOOEY! GUNKY! PAST IT'S USED BY DATE! OH DEAR GOD! RETREAT! (The cops run out of the restaurant)

**Vader:** (starts dancing on the table) Oh yeah! Who's Da Man?!

**Matre'D:** Sir, I'm going to have to ask you and all your friends to leave immediately!

**Howard:** (sighs) We were going anyway. Come on guys.

**Barry:** I think I'm getting traumatized by all this yelling, chaos and ice cream. I should see a therapist……

( 10 minutes and one ride in a stolen bus later, the humans and villains return to the restaurant)

**Donny:** TX, what did I say about listening to me?

**TX:** You said don't steal any taxis.

**Donny:** When I said "Don't steal any taxis" I meant don't steal any kind of automobile!

**TX:** Then why didn't you say so?

**Donny:** I thought you'd realize that.

**TX:** You didn't specify. Anyway, I did listen to you so what's the problem?

**Donny:** (slightly hysterical) YOU STOLE A BUS, THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

**TX:** You said not to steal any taxis. I calculated we wouldn't fit inside a taxi, so I decided we needed a bus. You didn't specify about buses.

**Donny:** (sincerely) TX, please, I'm begging you. For my sanity. Don't steal anymore vehicles. The cops are already after us because Vader stole an ice cream cooler, Terminator blew up a couple of police cars and the others have killed a whole bunch of innocent bystanders. Now we are probably wanted for auto theft. Please, don't break the law and cause havoc like the others. (Looks pleadingly)

**TX:** Very well. I shall continue my attempts to override my primary programming.

**Donny:** Thank you.

**Howard:** Alright guys, we've got a big day tomorrow, so everyone go to bed. And villains, BEHAVE YOURSELVES!

**Vegeta:** (starts walking towards the bar)

**Barry:** Don't even think about it Vegeta. We don't need a drunken super villain running amok in the middle of the night.

**Vegeta:** (swears under his breath)

(The humans and villains get into the elevator and head to their rooms.)

(30 minutes later)

**Howard: **(In the bathroom) Man, what a day. I think I'm going to have a stress headache for the rest of my life.

**Nina**: (from the bedroom) Howard! What are you doing?

**Howard:** Uh just getting ready for bed. (Takes a breath mint. To himself) Alright Howard. This is it, the big night. At least I hope it is. Man, what if I've read this all wrong? Just, don't think about that ok? Ok. Ok. Here we go. (He walks into the bedroom)

**Nina:** ( wearing a night dress and looking at Howard in a seductive way)

**Howard:** Oh boy.

**Nina:** (winks) Ready for bed Howard?

**Howard:** You bet! (He approaches the bed , but just before he gets in, yelling is heard)

**Vegeta:** (faintly) Roll over android! Your wing is on my side of the bed!

**Cell:** (faintly) Why don't you roll over?! You've already got three quarters of the bed and I'm twice your size!

**Vegeta:** I should have four quarters of the damn bed! Now move over!

**Cell:** You move over! And stop kicking me!

**Vegeta:** I can't help it! Watch where you move your head! You're going to hit me with your stupid headpiece!

**Cell:** Well move over!

**Vegeta:** I'm the Prince Of All Saiyans, I shouldn't have to move anywhere! I should have the entire bed! And a private room now that I think about it.

**Cell:** I got the bed first! Now move over or I'll boot you out!

**Vegeta:** You dare threaten me!?

**Cell:** What's it sound like fool?

**Vegeta:** GET OUT OF MY DAMN BED ANDROID!

( Loud crashes and bangs can be heard)

**Howard:** Shit! I better go deal with that. I'll be right back! Don't move! (He runs to Cell and Vegeta's room. He opens the door to see Vegeta latched on to Cell's back)

**Cell:** Get off my back you blasted twerp!

**Vegeta:** Hold still and I'll make it quick!

**Howard:** ENOUGH!

**Cell and Vegeta:** Do you mind, human?

**Howard:** Look, there's a spare mattress in the closet. (He opens the closet) See? (He tosses the mattress at Vegeta. It hits him and knocks him over)

**Vegeta:** How dare you throw bedding equipment at the Prince Of All Saiyans?!

**Howard:** Cell, you sleep on the floor

**Vegeta:** (smirks)

**Cell:** (scowls)

**Howard:** Now stop arguing. Get some sleep

**Cell:** I don't need sleep. I'm-

**Howard:** Perfect, we know! You've told us 35 times today!

**Cell:** (pouts)

**Howard:** No more fighting (leaves and returns to his room)

**Nina:** You can certainly lay down the law.

**Howard:** Yeah, I was the oldest in the family. Little brothers and sisters. Anyway……

( He approaches the bed again. He just gets in when…….)

**Smith:** (faintly) Joker turn the TV down.

**Joker: **(faintly) But we've got Cable TV! Look, Elmo in Grouchland is on!

**Smith:** Why do you watch such stupid shows?

**Joker:** Elmo's not stupid, you're stupid!

**Smith:** Just turn the damn TV off. We're trying to get some sleep

**Joker:** ( babyish, whiney voice) But I wanna watch Elmo!

**Smith:** Grrrrrrrrr! (A loud bang can be heard, followed by yelling)

**Howard:** Damn it! (Gets out of bed and runs to Smith and Joker's room)

**Joker:** (crying) You're a big meanie!

**Smith:** Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!

**Joker:** (whiney voice) You broke the TV! Now I can't watch Elmo!

**TV:** (lying smoking on the ground with a hole in it)

**Howard:** What happened?

**Joker:** (babyish) Smith shot the TV. Now I can't watch Elmo!

**Smith:** Shut up, shut up shut up!

**Joker:** But-

**Howard:** (sighs) There's a TV in the lobby Joker. Go and watch Elmo there

**Joker:** Oh goody! (Runs out)

**Smith:** (lying in a bed with his suit on) I'm going to lock him out. Or kill him Depends on how much sleep I get.

**Howard:** No killing Smith. (Returns to his room)

**Nina:** All done, Sheriff?

**Howard: (**sighs) They're like incredibly violent 6 year olds. But anyway, on to _other_ business. (He gets into the bed)

( 5 minutes later)

**Vader:** (faintly) What the hell are you doing?

**Mitchell:** (faintly) Oh…uh….nothing…..I….was…..uh….just

**Vader:** You were going to steal my frozen pudding again, weren't you?

**Mitchell:** Oh no, Mr. Vader I was-

**Vader:** Don't call me "Mr. Vader" Do I look like some old wrinkly school teacher to you?!

**Mitchell:** Oh no, absolutely not. I was ……..just getting a glass of-

**Vader:** STAY AWAY FROM MY FROZEN PUDDING COOLER!

**Mitchell:** I just want one!

(More crashes are heard)

**Howard:** For crying out loud….. (Runs out)

(Mitchell has tipped the bed onto its side and is hiding behind it. Vader is using the Force to throw all sorts of things around the room at him)

**Mitchell:** I swear, I'll never go near it again-Yikes! (Ducks back behind the bed as a hairdryer goes shooting over his head)

**Vader:** You said that last time! And the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before that and the-

**Mitchell:** Ok, but don't do some thing you'll regret-Crap! (The TV flies over his head and explodes)

**Vader:** I've blown up an entire planet. Beating the shit out of you with an airborne toaster isn't going to bother me! Take that! And that! And a couple of these!

**Mitchell:** (screams like a girl)

**Vader:** Who's Da Man now punk?!

**Howard:** VADER!

**Vader:** Damn right!

**Howard:** Vader, stop that!

**Vader:** Just a sec. I want to throw the bath tub at him. (Levitates the bath tub to him)

**Mitchell:** Oh dear.

**Howard:** Vader, if you don't stop it right now, I'll tell Smith Morpheus is hiding in your cooler, and we all know what'll happen after that!

**Vader:** You wouldn't. You're bluffing!

**Howard:** Am I?

**Vader:** Fine. (Drops the bathtub which lands with a crash) But stay away from my cooler!

**Mitchell:** Oh yes, I've learnt my lesson yes……I'm going down to the lobby (runs out)

**Howard:** (sighs and goes back to his room. As he passes Donny and Barry's room, Donny comes out looking stressed.)

**Howard:** What's up Donny?

**Donny:** I can't get any sleep at all with _him_ (points into the room where Barry is)

**Barry:** (sleep talking) No! Mummy no! Don't make me wear the pink dresss!... No Bubba, we can't be more than friends………..It burns!

**Howard:** I see what you mean. Go to Smith's room. He's actually sleeping and Joker's in the lobby.

**Donny:** ok then. (Leaves)

**Howard:** (enters his room) I am NEVER going to be a teacher. Never, never, never no way not even if you gave me a million bucks!

**Nina:** Relax Sheriff, I think you've sorted it out.

**Howard:** (sighs) Things are NEVER sorted out with these guys.

**Nina:** I think you could use a little R an R. You seriously need to de-stress.

**Howard:** You're right. That was the last time I'm leaving this room tonight. (gets into bed)

**Nina:** So you're staying this time?

**Howard:** Hell yes!

**Nina:** Good, I was starting to think I wouldn't even get any sleep.

**Howard:** (smirks) You won't


	4. Chapter 4

(The next morning)

( Hotel restaurant. Barry and Donny are at a table)

**Barry:** (Eating bacon) Hmmmm. Burnt to perfection.

**Donny:** That's so burnt you could shatter it by flicking it.

**Barry:** And that's the way I like it! (Starts cramming bacon into his mouth)

**Howard:** (literally skips into the restaurant) Top o' the morning to ye! Isn't it a grand day?!

**Donny:** Well, we haven't been outside so we-

**Howard:** Ah that coffee smells so invigorating! I'm going to get a cup. (Leaves)

**Barry:** What sort of dope is he smoking?

(Smith walks into the restaurant and grabs a few apples. He walks to the window and throws them outside. He repeats this several times)

**Barry:** Smith, what are you doing?

**Smith:** Feeding my clones. (He grabs a loaf of bread and throws it out the window)

**Howard: **Hey Smith! How'd you sleep?

**Smith:** Not bad, once that cretin was ejected from my room

**Howard:** Gee, that's swell! (Skips away)

**Donny:** What the _hell_ is wrong with him?!

**Barry:** Well…….

(Joker enters the restaurant.)

**Joker:** Where do they keep the coco pops?

**Donny:** You have to order your breakfast. You choose either hot or continental.

**Joker:** Con…..tin…..ontil?

**Barry:** (sighs) Cereal and toast

**Joker:** I don't want cereal or toast, I want Coco Pops!

**Barry:** Coco Pops _are _cereal Joker!

**Joker:** I want Coco Pops!

**Barry** :( frustrated) Then circle Continental on the menu! (Points)

**Joker:** I don't want Contonontol, I want Coco Pops! (Starts stamping his feet)

**Barry:** Grrrrrr!

(Terminator and the TX enter the restaurant)

**Howard:** Morning! Did you guys sleep well?

**Terminator:** Sleep is not required to maintain premium operational levels

**TX: **Why would we want to sleep? Humans drool when they sleep.

**Howard: **Yeah, I guess we do sometimes. We're leaving in an hour, ok (skips off)

**Barry:** Ok, something is definitely wrong with Howard.

(Cell enters the bar)

**Howard:** Hey Cell! Sleep well?

**Cell:** No! Thanks to you, not only was I forced to sleep on an incredibly uncomfortable, decaying mattress, but Vegeta sat up half the night taunting me! (Clenches and unclenches his fists)

**Howard:** Oh gee, I'm sorry about that. Oh well. You can snooze on the bus. Where is Vegeta anyway?

**Cell:** He is still up in the room demanding room service.

**Howard:** Oh, I suppose he wouldn't know how to fill out the menu.

**Cell:** Obviously! He thought the TV was a communicator and spent ten minutes telling the morning newsreader he wanted fried eggs and orange juice!

**Howard:** Darn. What was he doing when you left?

**Cell:** He'd blown up the TV and thought the radio was back chatting him.

**Howard:** Jeez. That radio ain't gonna last long. I better talk to him. (Skips away)

**Cell:** What is the reason for his good mood? It's actually quite disturbing. (Goes to get breakfast)

**Barry:** Ah, I think I know what's going on here…….

**Donny:** Enlighten me

**Barry:** Well….. (Leans over and whispers in Donny's ear)

(Upstairs)

**Vegeta:** I DIDN'T ASK FOR THE WEATHER, I WANT FRIED EGGS AND ORANGE JUICE!

**Radio:** Now, it's time to check in with the share prices. Richard-

**Vegeta:** YOU INCOMPETANT HUMANS! I DEMAND FRIED EGGS AND ORANGE JUICE!

**Radio:** And Telstra share prices fell by 2c today-

**Vegeta:** I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INSOLENT BACK CHATTING! NOTHING BACK CHATS THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS! NOW GIVE ME MY EGGS!

**Radio:** And this just in, a plane has crashed in Albania, with 3 confirmed deaths-

**Vegeta:** ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! (Blasts the radio)

**Howard:** (knocks on the door)

**Vegeta:** At last! My breakfast! Hurry up and bring it in servant!

**Howard:** Hey Vegeta! Sleep well?

**Vegeta:** What the hell are you doing?! Where's my room service?!

**Howard:** You have to fill out the form. (He hands Vegeta the menu)

**Vegeta:** Fill out a form!? The Prince of All Saiyans doesn't fill out forms!

**Howard:** Okey dokey then. I'll fill it out for you. What do you want for breakfast?

**Vegeta:** About blasted time! I demand fried eggs and orange juice!

**Howard:** Ok then, that's a hot breakfast and orange juice.

**Vegeta:** I don't want a whole damn meal, I merely want fried eggs! WHY WON'T ANYONE JUST GIVE ME SOME FRIED EGGS!?!?!?!

**Howard:** Hey, calm down Vegeta. Being all angry like that isn't good for your health.

**Vegeta:** DON'T GIVE ME LECTURES ON MY HEALTH STATUS! NOW BRING ME MY EGGS!

**Howard:** Be right back! (Skips out)

**Vegeta:** Bah! His good humor is sickening!

(Back in the restaurant)

**Donny:** Bullshit

**Barry:** Think about it Donny. Howard was about to have a nervous breakdown yesterday, right?

**Donny:** Yeah.

**Barry:** And after sex, comes the afterglow, right?  
**Donny:** Yes………..

**Barry:** So, what could give Howard such a mood swing?

**Donny**: I don't know Barry. I guess we'll be sure when we see Nina

(Howard comes skipping back into the restaurant)

**Donny:** Hey Howard! Is there…uh….anything you want to tell us?

**Howard:** I had the time of my life last night! Not once but _twice! _(grins like an idiot)

**Barry:** Twice?!

**Howard:** Can't talk now boys! I got to get Vegeta's brekky! (skips away)

**Donny:** Twice?!?!

**Barry:** (sighs)

(Mitchell enters the restaurant and walks over to Barry and Donny)

**Mitchell:** Morning friends! How are you?

**Donny:** Not good

**Barry:** Jealous and bitter

**Mitchell:** Oh, did you sleep that badly?

**Barry:** You explain Donny

(Vader enters the restaurant, and walks up to the buffet)

**Vader:** Hmmmm, bacon, eggs, toast. How the hell am I supposed to eat those? (he grabs a straw) Guess I'm going to have to do this the old fashioned way (He sticks the straw into the middle of an egg and starts sucking on it)

(Meanwhile)

**Mitchell: **(on the verge of laughing his ass off) Howard got _laid?_

**Donny:** (moodily) Twice.

**Mitchell: **Damn! Talk about having mojo!

(Nina skips into the restaurant, humming)

**Barry:** It's just not fair. All the good ones just fly right by us.

**Cell:** (talking to a waiter) I would like a brandy please.

**Waiter:** We don't serve alcohol with breakfast sir

**Cell:** Why?

**Waiter:** Well…….it's just that alcohol isn't usually served with breakfast.

**Cell:** Why?

**Waiter:** Alcohol doesn't go well with breakfast foods.

**Cell:** Why?

**Waiter:** (getting exasperated) I don't know sir! Why are you asking all these questions?

**Cell:** I'm awaiting adequate justification as to why you can't get me a straight brandy.

**Waiter:** (annoyed) Sir, it is hotel policy not to serve alcohol with breakfast meals.

**Cell:** What about liqueur coffee?

**Waiter:** I'm sorry sir.

**Cell:** Hmph! And you consider yourselves five star.

(Vegeta comes into the restaurant and storms up to Howard)

**Vegeta:** Human! I demand a word

**Howard:** Sure Vegeta, buddy! What can I do for you?

**Vegeta:** Don't talk to me like that. You sound like Kakarott. You filled out my order form incorrectly.

**Howard:** How?

**Vegeta: **(trying to stay calm) I received eggs benedict. I do not like eggs benedict. I WANT FRIED EGGS!

**Howard:** Geez I'm sorry Vegeta! How about I get you some now?

**Vegeta:** Don't bother, I've lost my appetite.

**Howard:** Oh well. Go tell the others we're leaving in ten minutes.

**Vegeta:** I am not your errand boy!

(15 minutes later)

( The group is back on the minibus, motoring towards the national park)

**Donny:** I think we're going to need a checklist of all the places we've been banned from on this trip.

**Barry:** Wouldn't it just be quicker to make a list of the places that _haven't _banned us? Or rather, haven't banned them.

_Howard and Nina are snuggling into each other on a shared bench while Mitchell drives. _

**Howard:** (to Nina in a seductive and semi hushed voice) you know what we should do later tonight?

**Barry:** (hearing them and wishing he couldn't)(clutching his head) oh god this is like listening to Cher! I can't take it!

**Mitchell: **You sure your not overreacting just a bit?

**Barry: **(trying to sound "bad-ass") Overreact? As if I would! I don't even know the meaning of overreacting I was away from school that day.

**Donny:** You were away nearly every day, I'm actually quite shocked you've passed anything, speaking of which how DID you pass anything?

**Barry:** Liquid persuasion

**Donny:** (sighs) never mind

**Nina:** Anyway I've had this thing that I've always wanted to do but…

**Howard:** What?

**Nina:** But….its really really naughty

**Barry:** ok that's it I cant take this anymore!

**Donny:** Barry….

**Barry:** (turning around to Howard and Nina) Hey guys could you show some restraint?

**Nina:** Couples rule number 3: in a relationship there is no such thing as restraint

**Howard:** Restraint? Wow Barry the only day they taught us that word you just happened to be there

**Barry:** Correction: That was the only week I was at school in that 2 month period

**Howard:** Yeah that pretty ironic considering what week it was

**Nina:** What are you guys talking about?

_Donny and Barry get up and sit in the seats opposite Howard and Nina_

**Howard:** In year 4 our school tried to give students a fun time for just one week. They called this week chocolate week.

**Nina:** Dear god….

**Howard:** And Barry was their all day every day

**Barry:** Hey I was there for the educational merit

**Donny: **What educational merit? It was one week of all you can eat chocolate fest

**Barry: **So?

**Howard:** So: Eating three tons of chocolate in the space of 1 week doesn't make you smarter

**Vader:** (joining the conversation) I'm not so sure about that. Why do you think I keep this ice cream cooler around? (pats his ice cream cooler which is sitting next to him)

**Barry:** Because you like to bombard joker with it?

**Vader:** That's just a bonus… a big bonus

**Howard:** I fail to see the logic in your brain food theory Vader

**Vader:** I fail to see the logic in your balls HOWARD!

**Nina:** (snuggling into Howard) I disagree with you on that

**Barry: **See that's what I'm talking about I can hear your sex talk all the way up the front of the bus

**Vegeta: **(in the seat behind them) Will you humans SHUT UP! I have to focus on beating the android… Only then can I prove my worth as a manly super warrior

_Vegeta and Cell are playing each other on their PSP on a game called "Happy fairy pony princesses of combat and love"_

**Vegeta's PSP:** You lost but we still love you

**Vegeta:**AAAAAAAH (throws the PSP which shatters into jokers head knocking him out)

**Vegeta:** Terminator I need you to be my new PSP!

**Terminator:** affirmative (terminator sits himself in front of Vegeta and puts a finger on Cells PSP and opens up the back of his head)

**Vegeta:** (grabs something in Terminator's head which is obviously meant to be something PSP related)

**Vegeta:** Prepare to get annihilated by a true Sayain warrior prince!

**Cell:** Vegeta Shutup you lost the last 7 games

**Vegeta:** Were playing up the back of the bus so the speed bumps disrupted my playing ability! I could beat you anyday of the week!

**Cell:** Speed bumps? Were on the highway!

**Vegeta: **Yeah those Speed bumps are a damn nuisance.

**Donny:** uhhh Vegeta there are no speed bumps on the highway

**Vegeta:** Did I say speed bumps?!

**Donny: **Ye-

**Vegeta: **No I did not I said pot holes!

**Terminator:** According to the available data this is one of the best maintained highways in the country with no pot hole for 63 miles

**Vegeta:** (starting to twitch) Oh there'll be pot holes alright…. ONCE IM FINSHED WITH THIS PLANET THERE WONT BE A POT HOLELESS HIGHWAY IN THE WORLD!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (evil laughter) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA (more evil laughter)

**Terminator: **(in the same voice as the PSP) You have lost but we still love you

**Vegeta:** AAAAAARGGGGG

**Mitchell**: (Gasp) Terminator I've waited so long for someone to say that to me (hugs terminator)

**Terminator:** My programming is being violated

**TX:** (lying down on the seat opposite Howard and Nina) Hey I'm trying to get some shutdown time here!

**Cell:** We didn't bother Smith or Joker

**TX:** That's because Smith is asleep and Joker has his head out the window

**Nina:** Hey wait a minute if your all down here… then whose driving the bus?

_Everyone looks to the front of the bus to see that the vehicle has no driver and is spinning out of control_

**Howard:** aw crap.


End file.
